WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG STICK!

Once upon a time we had a great president (Teddy Roosevelt) who coined the phrase “Walk softly and carry a big stick”...meaning “if you got it...you don’t necesarily have to flaunt it” and/or “it’s better to walk the walk than talk the talk.” Somehow, this message is lost on the vast majority of the girls. Modesty is NOT their greatest virtue. And you might have already guessed...here come the examples.

I have a customer whose pictures I took last week. She went into her room and emerged in a bikini to preen about and simply say “You see. You see?” And what she meant was “Look at my beautiful body, I bet you didn’t know what a beautiful body I have.” In fact, the girl has a hard body....but a flat ass and gross implants. And the truth is I wouldn’t see her in the room her free - let alone pay her for the privilege. Yet, it’s part of my job to nod my approval and then listen to all the complaints about how slow it is and what can I do to make her ads work when I know what the problem is. Talk about makin’ a lot of noise about that big thing between your legs you DON’T have? She’s the one!

But she’s certainly NOT alone! I have another client who’s basically a fat girl. She can stop eating - and go to the gym for 8 hours a day. But the fact remains...she’s a fat girl. She bragged to me recently “I got boobies.” And all I could think was “You got ugly-shaped breasts that are actually as much fat as they are breast tissue - and you’d be well-advised to keep them in a bra and NOT show them unsupported because in fact they are NOT very attractive as boobies go.” Yet rather than putting them in a miracle bra with a little strategic stuffing and throwing back her shoulders to give what she has some effect...she chooses to talk the talk rather than walk the walk. Yet more stickless noise!

Here’s another one: I have an ex-client who has to be one of the stupidest girls I’ve ever known. I don’t mean that in a cruel way. She’s just a dumbbell no matter how you slice it. She’s actually the girl who drove me to coin the phrase “million dollar body...fifty cent head.” Body? Ace of spades! Brain? Deuce of clubs. Now if this girl would say something like “Ya know Billy...I got great tits”....or ”Look at my beatiful legs,” I would concur completely. Her modesty wouldn’t impress me but her body parts always did. But no, that’s not what she said. “I think I’m intelligent,” was what came out of her mouth. And all I could think was “How in the world do you think you’re intelligent? What fucking planet do you come from?” To her credit, she almost never bragged on her body - which really is (or was) remarkable.

In fairness, I will now give you an example of somebody who actually DOES walk softly and carry a big stick. And it’s a music biz story from a hundred years ago. Two of them in fact. The first came from a guy named Mike Post, a musician who wrote the themes for “Hill Street Blues,” “The White Shadow,” and “Doogie Howser.” One very early morning while driving my cab, I happened upon a radio interview with Mr. Post. I knew nothing about him. Just that I’d seen his name at the end of all these shows which had such catchy and brilliant theme music. The interviewer asked him “What was the toughest part about writing all this incredible music?” And what did Mike say? “Getting the gig was the hardest part.” Now THAT’S walking softly and carrying a big stick! Talk about downplaying his huge talent!

Here’s another one: I had a friend named Billy Nichols who wrote a hit record entitled “Do It Till Your Satisfied.” If you know the beginning of the disco era...you know the song. One day I played him a track I was involved with called “The Long Winded Lover.” I didn’t write the words or come up with the stupid concept. I just liked the track I’d made for the songwriters. Billy frowned and commented “I don’t like a record with a guy bragging on himself.” And he was right. I explained that I had no role in writing the words and I just wanted him to hear the track and that was good enough.

Down the road, I discovered that Billy had a girlfriend named Milly Jackson who was wide open and totally in love with him. Milly had a hit record at the time and used to shout out to audience members at her show shit like “Oh your man looks good. I bet he’s got a big dick!” Yup! Milly was a size queen - and Billy was her man, the obvious inference being that Billy was packin’. But you would never know it by Billy. He just wasn’t that kind of guy. He was one of the rare indivduals who actually walked softly and DID carry a big stick!

The girls could take a lesson from Billy. As could anybody. And in all walks of life there are people blessed with gifts AND modesty. I just don’t meet anybody of that genre in the escort rank and file. And that’s why I wrote this - even if I know there’s nobody listening.