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Thursday, January 31, 2013
SO MUCH COOLER ONLINE!
This is a true story...I promise! A couple of years ago, I was hanging out at a leading Asian incall - a place where it was virtually unavoidable to see the guys as they came in. And as it was a busy place, I got to see a fair amount of guys over time. So one day, I observed to the phone girl that the great majority of men walking in didn't look like they really needed to pay for the companionship of a lady which is to say - they were decent-looking enough to earn that companionship rather than buy it.
That comment lead her to relate a story about a prolific reviewer on a leading review site who portrayed himself as a "man about town" (her words not mine) when in fact he was the most repulsive guy the house had ever known. She went on to describe him in detail marveling that somebody so unappealing could be so full of himself online...and additionally identified the individual by his user name which didn't mean much to me until I started this blog and the same individual began communicating with me on a steady basis. Figuring it's good policy to answer all mail in the interest of generating good will and a following for the blog, I answered back on almost every occasion never divulging what I'd heard about this guy from the phone girl. End of story - but not quite.
Recently, I ran a banner ad on that site with a couple of self-taken portraits designed to be as goofy as humanly possible. I donned a dollar pair of readers, a baseball cap with a big button of Beavis and Butthead covering the Detroit Tiger logo...and made a contorted Mortimer Snerd kind of face to frost the cake. I mean...if you're gonna bill yourself as Psycho Bill...you don't exactly want to pose for a picture in a jacket and a tie like a self-impressed corporate exec or something! And it wasn't long before some moron went on the site commenting that I was the ugliest guy he'd ever seen and it was no wonder I have the job I do because were it not for my bizarre employment, I'd never get any with a mug like that.
The friend who called to inform me about all this (I wasn't aware) told me if this guy ever e-mailed me I should tell him to go fuck himself! But I was too amused to be offended because what he didn't know - and I did (by the guy's user name) - is that the individual who'd harpooned me me so viciously is in reality THE WORLD'S MOST REPULSIVE CUSTOMER TO WHOM THE PHONE GIRL HAD ALLUDED TWO YEARS BEFORE. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Get the fuck outta here! But seriously, I understand "The Hunchback of Notre Dame's" need to snap on another's perceived bad looks. Even the kid who gets his ass kicked for his lunch money every day needs somebody to bully. But the fact that he's a guy who e-mailed me incessantly and then wrote what he wrote makes him a fucking douchebag. To think I would take the time to answer all his correspondence and then he talks all that smack. What a dipshit!
But I don't really care about all that, honestly. It would be nice to look like Brad Pitt so I could swat the girls away like flies at a summer picnic. But I can score my share of good-looking women. It's not that big a deal. Regardless, the guy proves a point! That "so much cooler online" syndrome is always something I've figured was the rule rather than the exception. And this guy truly is the poster boy. I submit a video of what was a big country western hit a few years ago to wrap this entry. As c & w songs often do, this tune totally says it all!