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Sunday, September 1, 2013
DESIGNER BILL FOR A DAY
By now you guys have figured out that though many of my Korean friends live to sport their designer gear, I wouldn't be caught dead in an Armani suit or a Burberry raincoat (though I do have one my mother bought for me like 35 years ago). Just not my style. But that all changed at 2 AM three nights ago as I was walking back from the corner after depositing the object of my lust in a cab!
On top of a garbage can, I spied a glasses case - presumably discarded - which I nonchalantly picked up figuring "hey! I can always use a spare one of these." But to my surprise, there was actually a pair of glasses inside! And not just any pair of glasses...a pair of RAY BANS, complete with the original instruction booklet AND a little RAY BAN lens cleaner. WTF?!?! Why would anybody throw these away?
Well, in short order, I realized that there was a place to sit right next to the garbage can - and a yuppie bar across the street. And so...I reasonably deduced that one of the bar patrons dropped the shades - and I was the lucky guy who found them. So yesterday, I went showing them off declaring to all "I am no longer Dollar Bill. Call me Designer Bill from now on. The schlep has arrived!"
Look out all you Prada, Gucci and Louis Vuitton show offs. Designer Bill's in town. And along with his $3 NY camouflage baseball cap, he's voguein' with a sexy pair of Ray Bans. Mad stylin'. Let the free sessions roll in. The problem is...now I need a Cannondale bike to complete the picture! And some Levi's instead of my K Mart jeans. Uh oh! I'm already feeling pressure. I got a better idea. I think I'll sell my $130 find on Craigslist and go back to being Dollar Bill. I'll feel more relaxed.
P.S. This is an old post. I now actually have that Cannondale bike to which I referred - but none of the other trappings. And eventually, I gave the sunglasses to some undeserving wench in the afterglow of a sizzling encounter. Alas...I am the same unpretentious reprobate I was when I wrote this. And my Cannondale? Totally dressed down so as not to attract the attention of thieves - or gold diggers.