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Tuesday, January 29, 2013
IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT HAND JOB
Last night I was out at a bar having drinks with a long time female friend when the conversation turned to sex...and I confessed to not having had any for a while. The woman herself has a boyfriend (who doesn't love her) and rarely goes without for more than a few days. And when she heard about my relative celibacy, the die was cast.
"Let's go back to my apartment so I can take care of you. I'll give you a nice hand job and you'll feel real good." Somehow, the woman is kind of like Bill Clinton. She doesn't feel like she's having sexual relations or cheating if she doesn't have intercourse.
So anyway...not to look a gift horse in the mouth, I took her up on the offer. Hey! She's kind of pretty and has big, natural tits. What's not to like? Off we went and within seconds of entering her place, she was demanding that I take off my pants so she could impress me with her technique. Now I don't want to disparage her expertise, but if you had a tape recorder (audio) on the event, you would have known it wasn't perfect. Most of what I said sounded like "a little harder," "not so fast," "more lube," and on and on.
The situation was resolved when she took care of the boys and I choked the chicken to eruption in between fondling her juggs and telling her how soft and big they were. All in all not bad except...the search for the perfect hand job goes on.
There's a pornographic tube site called xhamster which has multiple categories (as they all do). You can view cum shots, lesbians, ebony girls, grandmas, fatties and on and on. And one of the categories I favor most is hand jobs. Man! There are some women who can really dole out a sizzling kind of therapy in that arena to boggle the mind. But where are they in real life? That's what I want to know! The last perfect hand job I got was like 40 years ago. What the fuck? Is this like Haley's Comet or something? It comes every 86 years!
And whether a girl has administered 50,000 hand jobs or just a few, it doesn't seem like the most or least experienced gets it. Maybe it's because women don't have a penis and are totally clueless as to how it feels and what works. On the other hand, a greater percentage of girls seem to be much better at fellatio than manual manipulation - yet another phenomenon I can't explain. I'm simply at a loss.
Whatever...I'm thankful that I had the chance to fondle my buddy's big juggs and have her play with my balls while I jerked off. Plus we hung out afterwards and had a pretty good time. So what the hell? I might as well enjoy the moment and bask in the glow knowing that come tomorrow, I can continue my search for the perfect hand job. For the sake of her ego - and my sanity - I can take a breather for a moment.
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I have yet to meet a chick that gives me better hand jobs than I give myself
ReplyDeleteThis really begs the question: why do some many guys pay for a rub and tug? Lets face it, the girls are fairly clueless when it comes to the art of the massage. And as far as the tug goes, most guys have perfected that technique since adolescence. Has anyone found that perfect girl?
ReplyDeleteSome of those R & T places have massueses with astonishing skills in that area.
ReplyDeleteOf course it really helps if they give you a great relaxing and stimulating massage first.
Speaking of: Is there a KMP place in NY or an indi that specializes in genuine bodywork plus? Once step up from the R&T. Now there is a niche that needs to be filled, badly!
with friends like you who needs enemas
ReplyDeleteSince there is no search option on the blog. I tried the dumpling spot eldridge and love it. Do you have anymore recommendation of places like that. I couldn't search whether you have made an entry on the subject. Hope all is well in your semi-retirement phase.
ReplyDeletei have yet in my life met a girl who i didnt have to coach her thru a hand job .................they really dont know what to do
ReplyDeleteYou CL old-timers out there might remember Deaf Rose, an hearing-impaired, African-American lady who specialized in hand-jobs ending in a facial. It was one of the most bizarre experiences in my hobbying career but fun. She also advertised as a dominatrix named Goddess Rose. A deaf dominatrix has to have a tremendous power of will. I liked meeting. We used a note pad later to communicate. And, yes, her hand-job technique was excellent.
ReplyDeleteIve had HJ's from almost everywhere in NY and NJ. So far the queen is Lana in manhattan. She does other stuff, but her HJ is a specialty and shes an expert. Just google "lana bodyrub"
ReplyDeleteThere are some websites for R&T's that review them all. I've tried a few and some are great others great at the HE bad at the body work or visa versa. It' isn't easy finding a hero.
ReplyDelete