A MARRIAGE MADE IN HELL

I ain't no matchmaker. That's for sure! Nor am I a roommate service. Yet, I found myself a hybrid of both recently when a girl I know called beseeching me to find somebody who might share her sublet. Now this isn't something I make any money doing - nor something I want to do in the first place. But the woman was so insistent - and calling daily to find out if I knew anybody - that I finally recommended someone in need of a place to stay...all with this proviso to both parties: "I don't want to hear any theatrics behind this hookup - from either of you!"...knowing that they're both drama queens from hell.

Well...for the first day it was all peaches and cream. Each called separately to say how much she liked the other girl. But by day 2? The shit was already hitting the fan. One spent the rent buying scratch-offs and the other went ballistic on my phone as a result of the first's irresponsibility. I wasn't happy: "You begged me for a roommate and I made a suggestion! And I told you not to bug me about this! If you don't like her, throw the girl out!" Just great.

Then within minutes, the other girl started calling. Those calls I was smart enough to avoid. But by the next morning I had a rash of text messages on my phone from the girl whose calls I avoided, basically telling me that I'm a complete piece of shit for gossiping about her - and that she didn't want to see or hear anything about me ever again! All the good things I said about her went  unnoticed, of course.

Here's an idea, sweetheart: Stop with the fucking scratch-offs you goddamn moron. I can't even begin to tell you how much money this girl makes and still hasn't a pot to piss in because of all her spending addictions. And this is all my fault! Yeah, right! Add to the fact that happened to have been my "recreation" partner...and it all adds up to a big humbug! Ya know...when you do a normal person a favor he or she is at least a little appreciative. But with a whack job? You know the answer to that one!

The sorry truth is that too many girls in this business are really mentally unbalanced. The one who has the apartment is pretty crazy herself! But the second one? OMG! Plus...she can really be abusive! Don't even let me start (or continue). Whatever...I'm in the dog house where I plan to stay...and this little marriage made in hell (between the two girls) proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am no matchmaker or roommate finder. That's for sure. So girls...if you're reading...don't ask me to hook you up with a roommate! I get these requests too often and they will now and forevermore fall on deaf ears. I've learned my lesson.