Pages
E-MAIL $ BILL!
E-MAIL $ BILL: Any suggestions, requests or inquiries about advertising can be sent to dollarbill@nyc.rr.com.
The content of this blog is purely for entertainment purposes and in no way promotes any illegal activities between
buyer and seller. Mutual arrangements are for companionship and time spent only.
Friday, February 1, 2013
PHAT TITTIES
FYI...This is going to be the most oblique reference ever, I promise!
Long ago and far away, I had a bunch of friends who were student-architects. I know it sounds crazy...but Eli had been a fellow undergraduate at Case Western Reserve University with whom I stayed in touch after graduation...and he had a Pratt Institute crew who became my homies.
Mostly, the girls were whole-earth mamas...not particularly enticing - except for one who had huge (relatve to her frame) natural breasts. Not only that...Tana was an in-earnest graphic design student. Yup! A smart girl with big tits. Like how much better does it get?
One day, Tana told me that some black guy had walked by her in a subway tunnel and editorialized on her endowment out loud: "Yo! Phat titties!" Tana went home and cried. Here she was a serious individual being taken for a sex object for the offense of having big juggs! How unfair is that? Well...not that unfair if you ask me. Let's see! How would I feel if a black chick walking by me in the subway tunnel said something like "Yo! Phat unit on that cracker!" I'm guessing I wouldn't cry!
So anyway...what the fuck is this all about? Well...many years ago, I was in a Chelsea bistro on a date with Tana hoping (of course) to fondle her massive mammaries. It was about 4 PM and virtually nobody was in the bar except....(drum roll) Ed Koch, then the Mayor of New York - with a friend. I had no desire to hassle Hizzoner - but Tana was like "I have to go tell him how much I like him." And so she did. If Ed were straight (or even sexual for that matter), my date would have disappeared right there. But because the Mayor wasn't about being a rock star...Tana returned to me without incident.
Ed Koch died today. I could feel from the news reports that his passing was imminent. The last time I saw Tana was on the F-train about 13 years ago. She walked right up to me and said "Willy! Is that you?" And then she reminisced about the time we ran into Hizzoner. She saw me...and that's what she thought about. Oh well!
But Ed Koch was that kind of guy! Charisma, baby. That was Ed. And when Donald Manes went down for stuffing Parking Violation Bureau money in his pocket? Ed's enemies couldn't trace it back to him. And ya know why? Because Ed Koch was not a crook. He was a dedicated public servant. And a good one - with a no bull shit approach - at that.
Something else I like about Ed Koch. Like Andy Rooney, he worked till the day he died! They both loved what they did and the issue of retirement was in fact, never an issue! Like the energizer bunny...they went and went and went until the battery ran out!
So Ed? I'm on my 4th beer right now...and after my 5th, I'll be chowing down on some baked ziti. I may be drinkin' but I'm not drunk...not drunk enough to forget what you did for New York and that you were a dedicated public servant about whom every New Yorker can be proud. May you rest in peace, Ed Koch! And by the way...I read you book when it came out. You are the man. Ask "How'm I doin"?" You're doin' fine, Ed. Send us a card! Amen!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm not going to say that I was a fan of Ed Koch but I certainly did enjoy this city the most when he was the mayor.
ReplyDeleteI was and am a fan of Ed Koch. So thanks for the tribute Bill, however oblique. You share more than a few characteristics with the late mayor and I mean that in a good way!
ReplyDeleteyuck beer and baked ziti......what a mixture.....what type of italian are u!
ReplyDeleteThis city would be a different place if not for Ed Koch. I met him many times as he went to a gym downtown where my father went. He was a friendly guy and he did more for this city then most people could remember.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather discuss k girls, but today I'll skip it.
Great post Bill.
How you got from Phat Titties to Mayor Koch is a little bewildering, but nice sentiments on the late Mayor, activist, great ny archetype.
ReplyDeleteOver on the L Magazine(like the train not the sexual preference) website they have a headline that says "Fuck you Ed Koch"...on the fucking day he died. (oh they now just changed it to "whitewashing ed koch).
Now Koch was one politician that you could call him on his actions and he would listen and present his opinion if you agreed or not. Why a "Village Voice" wanna be like L has to wait until minutes after he dies to dis him is why maybe Brooklyn (or at least the L part of BKK) ain't ready for prime time.
Oh and on your friend with big breasts. I have a rhodes scholar, macarthur genius grant save the world friend who is 50 years old, she is another "great nyer", but despite every accomplishment she's had as a women and human she always asks me "don't you love my tits"?
She must be quoting Winston Churchill, or Bills friend, but let's not detract from Mayor Ed.
Ed Koch - Mayor of Heaven
ReplyDeleteAt first I was surprised to see an old cab driver come out in favor of a super scab hoarder like Koch, then my long term memory kicked in and the history of NYC cabbies (who act more like individual small business owners than working class people) and labor struggles came back to me:
ReplyDeleteBack then in 1979, the vicious, labor-hating Democratic mayor Ed Koch provoked a strike by seeking to eliminate job protections for the bus drivers and matrons. When Koch’s school chancellor put the service contract out to bid for the first time in eight years, many bids came in from low-wage, non-union companies. Abetted by the editors of the city’s tabloid press, hizzoner used children dependent on bus transport as pawns in his union-busting game. A large fraction of them also had special needs, which Koch tried to wield as a cudgel against the strikers.
“Many unions, faced with tear-jerking stories of home-bound wheelchair-confined children, would have buckled under. But the Amalgamated Transit Union Locals 1181 and 1061 refused to budge....
“When a number of the offending cabs [used to transport students] were subsequently found with their windshields broken and tires slashed, New York’s war of the crippled children was on.”
The Koch administration went on to commandeer chauffeured city vehicles and prison vans from Rikers Island to replace the garaged buses. But the union answered every move by the city with hard-nosed class struggle. Picket lines remained solid, and other scab vehicles ended up just like the taxis. Strikes were breaking out across the city, giving the bosses and their mayor plenty to worry about—sanitation workers refused to cross picket lines of apartment house workers, striking tugboat crews kept boats at bay, and picketing Teamsters milk drivers left the milk to be dumped down the drain. Having wasted $10 million trying to break the strike, the city finally buckled, and the ATU won the EPP.
Fuck Ed Koch.