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Sunday, January 26, 2014
THE BARTENDER'S BOYFRIEND
Back when I was the neighborhood cab driver, there were just a few places you could find me. I was either driving...sleeping...fishing...hunkered down in a lap dance joint...or hanging out in an East Village bar tryin' to get laid. And as a regular at Downtown Beirut, The Village Idiot and later...The Coyote Ugly, I was friendly with most of the bartenders, all of whom were pretty hot (that's why they got hired). We had a lot in common. Like...we were all in the service industry - and all had stories about horrible customers who drove us to distraction. We were colleagues of a sort. Plus, I drove a lot of them home at 5 AM!
Anyway...I used to love watching these girls operate - working their magic on all the patrons. There must have been 50 guys who would tip lavishly hoping against all odds that they would be that one dude who'd become the bartender's boyfriend. I knew pushing the issue with any of these girls was a waste of time. But the 50 guys didn't. They might as well have played the lottery with their gratuities. They'd have had a better chance at winning a million bucks than the heart of one of those stone cold drink-slingers!
Those days are long gone for me but just recently, a random event at one of my friend's places of business brought back the memories. The girl I was visiting is a crowd favorite on the review boards. Guys rave about her performance constantly, and I can tell some have developed a little crush on Miss Honey. During our visit, the girl's phone rang with her super on the other end calling to say he'd be arriving Monday morning at 10 AM to paint her apartment. So I asked the benign question "you live in Flushing like everybody else?" But she responded "no...Los Angeles," and then shoved her phone in my face to show me a photo of some nondescript guy. I looked up to see the face of a little girl in love and I knew THIS WAS THE BARTENDER'S BOYFRIEND! He may have been 3000 miles away. And she may be an escort "entertaining" multiple guys per day. But nobody or nothing really has a grip on her heart except this nondescript guy. And it brought me back to the parallel world of those bodacious bartenders...all the guys who frothed for them...and the lucky buckeroo who somehow lassoed one of their hearts.
I tell this as a cautionary tale to those who would think that their interaction with the girls is anything beyond the obvious. Yes, a lucky guy could occasionally hit the lottery and live the "pretty woman" dream. But consider the prize - which more often than not is an overused vehicle - loaded with baggage - traveling down the road on treadless tires. A slippery slope indeed, I'm sure we can all agree. Hence, I repeat. Have your fun - and get 'er done! And then just leave it at that. On balance, you'll be better off for your level-headed discretion. Lust can often be taken for love by a testosterone-fueled fool - whether he's hitting on an East Village bartender - or dropping 200 bucks at a you-know-what. Just my two cents for a sleepy Sunday.
And apropos of nothing (except that the phone just rang), ROSE HOUSE (347-624-3305) called to say that MIA is on vacation and has been replaced by HAPPY. Here's her pic.