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Saturday, February 8, 2014

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN


An old friend came back to NY recently and gave me a call requesting that I come visit her. So I hopped the bike (which by the way is taking a beating from all the fucking salt on the roads) and pedaled to the Upper East Side to check her out. She's pretty much the same old battle axe from yesteryear...but we have history and more or less enjoyed ourselves reminiscing about old times. 

There was no financial (I can't be a middleman anymore and I didn't want to sell her onto this blog because I knew she wouldn't make any money) or carnal agenda but oddly, there was a payoff. She became my muse for today's entry. Scaling no fewer than 54 steps to ascend to her 5th floor walkup, I realized I'd never written about escorts who live in walkup apartments.

Because I'm physically fit, dealing with girls who do business out of elevatorless abodes has never presented a real problem. It could occasionally be annoying - but never  a deterrent from me turning a buck. However…not so for every would-be customer of girls who rent in the stratosphere. Some simply can't make the trek - while others will make it to the promised land come hell or high water.

A while back, I had a friend (Ami's ex-sugar daddy) who was obese and relatively aged. And when this guy asked me about places whose girls appeared on this blog, question #1 was "are they in an elevator building?"…as even one flight of stairs was prohibitive for this individual. And he's not alone! Not every customer can make these climbs. 

I remember Poonjab had a regular with an artificial limb. He would struggle up the stairs to her loft and then promptly - and in exhaustion - take off his leg before the session! And back when HONEY HONEY was on 29th Street, there was a dungeon on the 4th floor of the building (they were on floor #2). One day, the phone girl told me about a paraplegic who would literally pull himself up all those stairs by his arms just to get his ass kicked by one of their dommes! Who says where there's a will there isn't a way?

Anyway…at some point I started counting the number of stairs to my loftiest customers' walkups to see who was highest in the sky. And that all time winner was ALLANAH STARR, legendary she male porn star and turncoat. Girlfriend lived right above the Carnegie Deli - a mere 71 stairs up to the 6th floor! She got the gold! 

My very own apartment happens to be 56 steps from street level. But I have an elevator so it's a moot point. Back in my cabby days, I'd come home in the wee hours to drop money and always ran up the stairs to save time - and get the blood flowing. But not with the bike - and the new elevator - which always defaults to the 1st floor. Those days are gone. At this point in my life there better be a scenic view if I'm to climb! Otherwise, I take the elevator!

14 comments:

  1. "ALLANAH STARR, legendary she male porn star and turncoat."

    Come on, DB. No one wants to hear about some old man humping up the stairs. That's the story we want to hear right there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First of all…fuck you with the old man shit, bitch! Allanah was a turncoat because she changed ad reps to a guy who offered her a 20% discount who then cut her ad size by 20%...and she was too stupid to realize it. Trannies know the difference between something that's 6" and 7" but she couldn't see that the 40 agate ad I was selling her got reduced to 36 agate lines when she made the switch!

      But that was only part of it. I just never made it to any of her parties (though I said I would). Ultimately, i was not part of the transgendered community except in a professional sense. Conversely, my competitor was as gay as the come. Had I been a tranny chaser, I wouldn't have lost the account. There's your story. And did I say "fuck you" about the old man crack? So many assholes and so little time on the fucking Internet.

      Delete
    2. Easy there, boss! When I said old man I was referring to the story about Ami's old sugar daddy you told. No hater here.

      Also, I've never seen a tranny but I hope you're wrong about them knowing the difference between 6" and 7". Because otherwise according to the ads they place I've got a smaller penis than every single one of them!

      Delete
    3. My apologies for the attack. The tranny rule is to half again their endowment. Hendrix wrote all about it: If 6 turned out to be 9.

      Delete
  2. Good mornng Bill
    Its only 1 flight to see Ami. I'm 84 and still climbing!!!
    Did you ever make it to….

    ReplyDelete
  3. Despite protests to the contrary, you always seem to come up with a good story - which is why you and my morning coffee are joined at the hip.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stop being cheap old prick and take the iron horse to a car wash, payoff the Mexican $5 and he will wash down your stead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a steed not a "stead" you moron. And the car wash can't patch the tube, adjust the brakes or lubricate the crank. It's not as simple as blasting the sucker with hot water.

      Delete
  5. Hey Bill, I see an ad for Lola on your blog but not on the website she was associated with. Any info? Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Supposedly she's taking a break, but the boss hasn't called me to remove her so she stays.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the speedy report. Hope she's chilling on a beach someplace. Cool lady, deserves the break.

      Please tell us when she has returned

      Delete
  6. A new low for you Bill....jacking the number one song title of all time. You are lucky I like some of the old stuff you dish out. Let's just keep zeppelin out of it from now on.


    And I know all about the old movie of the same title.


    You should do a guest column on Bgfe since you have the link.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the title given the theme. Sorry you don't appreciate the reference. Don't know anything about the movie. Best GFE is more interested in me selling than writing. I think they missed the memo about LE declaring war on middlemen in the escort business.

      Delete
  7. I'm sort of joking. The movie is rather good as I remember. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038733/

    At my wedding reception we had Mary J. Blige and Heather Headley and a few others. Heather was a friend of mine going back to her Lion King days and Mary's sister was my wife's best friend when she lived in NJ. I helped write the 911 song because Wyclef Jean is a car guy friend of mine and Mary J. and my wife were friends.

    Now my wife passed a few years back but back then my wife would tell her about my friendship with Page, Plant and by best bro Cozy(if you remember-drummer) and others. So Mary would ask me what would be a good Zeppelin song to record. So I sent her all the discs and some notes and at the end I stated anything but Stairway to Heaven. That it really is an untouchable song and should be left alone.

    Years later guess what song she records......

    I actually wanted Mary to sing the song when Zeppelin was given the Kennedy Award. I volunteered to break out one of the reproduced double neck guitars of Jimmy's and perform with her. It would have been a lot better than Heart playing instead. but politics is politics I guess.



    https://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=Arkurs4PqRxRrJg6QDTYrQ2bvZx4?fr=yfp-t-901-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=mary%20j%20blige%20stairway%20to%20heaven

    ReplyDelete

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