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Saturday, February 1, 2014
WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE?
So I received my copy of EXPOSE MAGAZINE #4 in the mail today. EXPOSE, in case you don't remember, is a half-assed attempt at recreating the old SCREW. And to be fair, it ain't half bad given the horrific budget within which Kevin (the layout guy) has to work. He was Goldstein's pagination dude for like 25 years. So if nothing else, he knows how to produce a satirical porn rag.
Well anyway...I rarely have any idea about what's going to be in the paper. Kevin doesn't tell me what's the first feature or who it was written by. And even though I'm one of the featured writers, I don't always know which blog post he's going to pull from this site for the next issue.
Whatever...it turns out that the cover story is about the world's foremost legal pimp...and star of his own HBO reality show, DENNIS HOF! Snore! I've written about Dennis on this blog before and know his story all too well. He's a cheap trick - or so I thought (actually, he is)! Turning to the back cover to check out who is buying ads in the rag, I see a full page ad pitching Dennis's Bunny Ranch girls...and come to realize somebody got the sonofabitch to actually buy an ad somewhere!
Now this is a monumental accomplishment! Carl from Backpage called Dennis "a fucking tire kicker" after Mr. Hof wasted his time pretending he wanted to purchase an ad on Carl's site. I myself pitched Dennis to advertise here to no avail as well. And as it turns out, my buddy Chip (who wrote the feature), was the guy who finally dreamed up a marketing scam to open the big guy's wallet. Will wonders never cease? I can't believe it.
And get this. After writing my review of the published cabby EUGENE SALOMON, I fired off an e-mail to the address on his blog and guess what! He answered me within an hour, commenting on my review and assuring me that from the looks of my sidebar, I was making a lot more "cabbage" than he had on his book. Go figure. Will wonders never cease again?
I apologize to Eugene for implying that his book was of a salacious nature. In fact, he attributes his success at attracting a big time Publisher to his work not being a nasty noir effort. Who'd a thunk? A cab book without the cabby getting blown by a tranny at 3 AM? Will wonders never cease? I got the idea he's just not that kind of guy.
Regardless, he wants me to read his paperback and tell him what I think...but he didn't offer to send me one. Right there is where the "will wonders never cease" observations end - and appropriately, so does today's entry.